What was thriving me…..

….to stay committed? To prove Archangel Gabriel wrong!

What was thriving me to stay committed?

Within me, I felt the inner child refusing to do something forced to do.

I am so familiar with this pattern. How did it draw me back to memories I had believed to overcome?

My internal screen was playing one movie after the other. I felt the feelings connected and shooting through my body.

Oh no, I thought! No! No! No! I had left this all behind !

Did I?

Why am I getting so upset? Why am I fighting? Why am I feeling the way I do?

I am an adult now, living my own life. Being a mother and wife: what is this all about?

I started to remember the time I was always doing what one expected of me with no tolerated contradictions in any way. No matter if I liked or disliked it. Asked, I was never.

How much I wouldn't say. I disliked the feeling of being commanded, forced, ruled, and kept down.

How many times did I wish it to stop?

How many times did I ask myself: Why am I living?

Pictures from the past emerge, and I hear myself asking: Is this how life was meant to look?

Is this what I am experiencing: the sort of life I am going to carry on living?

Unknowingly about what life will become?

Questioning mentally: what life holds in store for me?

How will my story of life end? Why am I here?

There I was, sitting in front of my PC, undergoing the flashbacks I had long forgotten with one wish: to prove to the universe wrong.

I am not the one they believe I am. The universe is wrong!

Now I was left with the thought: How am I going to prove them wrong?

I need to stick to the commitment until the end of the year, and I am in belief.

So, if I sit as asked and write a sentence every day till the end of the year, they will agree with me.

That will be enough evidence to release me from writing confidently, I thought.

Who do you believe is right?

Stay tuned …..

Regiena Stein31 October 2021